yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
