It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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