apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
