I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
