"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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