and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
