This gyro tastes like lonliness
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
