Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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