Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
