that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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