I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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