I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
