he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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