I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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