you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
