she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
