no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
