I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
