im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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