what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
