I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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