Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
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I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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