i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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