somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
