If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"