i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.