i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
