i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
