We named our party play list daddy issues
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
