3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
