I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
