i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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