On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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