it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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