Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
