I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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