Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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