I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
