I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
