she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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