hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
