What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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