I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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