Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
