I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
