I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
