I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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