Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
