Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
