Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
