I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
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im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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