omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
