Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
