Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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