see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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