Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He passed out mid-signature
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
