Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
