Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
