honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
