And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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