A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
