I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Blood and glitter go together right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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