dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
