I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
