1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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