I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Randomize
