why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
