the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
