at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
