walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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