i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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