This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So much rum. So many feels.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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