You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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