I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize